The Vital Spark: Embracing Our Full Humanity

Our latest Empowered Femmes book club discussion on The Vital Spark by Lisa Marchiano was an intimate and thought-provoking conversation. With a smaller group, we were able to dive deep into the stories and themes woven throughout the book, sharing personal reflections and realizations. 

One of the most resonant moments for me was our discussion about Carol’s story, which brought up feelings of guilt—or so I thought. As a mom, wife, and entrepreneur, I’ve been juggling multiple roles while working with my partners to build a new community hub. What used to be weekends at home with my little one are now spent at the store, and bedtime routines sometimes happen without me because of our evening events. 

I described this conflict as guilt—happy about the work I’m doing, yet torn about missing moments with my family. But then Heather reframed it in a way that completely shifted my perspective:

"Maybe it’s not guilt you’re feeling, but the discomfort of your family expressing that they miss your presence."

That distinction was powerful. It wasn’t about self-blame; it was about recognizing the natural tension that comes when our loved ones voice their needs. 

Our conversation flowed into reflections on how we were raised—particularly by our mothers—and which archetypes they embodied. We explored their emotional awareness (or lack thereof) and considered which “Outlaw Energies”,( a concept from the book) might have served them better. Motherhood was a central theme, as it’s the role that demands the most from us right now. We all share the desire to do the work now—to heal, grow, and break cycles—so we can raise more emotionally aware, empowered children.

A common thread among us was the hope for our daughters: We want them to harness their fire—to be bold, unapologetic, and free from the constraints of societal expectations. Yet, we also want to guide them in balancing these “Outlaw Energies” with grace and compassion. 

The discussion left me with a profound takeaway: Owning our full range—including the messy, "unacceptable" parts—isn’t just liberating for us as women, but as humans.   

And that brings me to the quote Heather shared—one that started as an admonishment but has since become her affirmation: 

"When she was good, she was very good, but when she was ‘bad,’ she was human."

This simple yet powerful statement encapsulates the essence of The Vital Spark.

Our so-called "bad" traits—our rebelliousness, our anger, our imperfections—are not flaws to suppress, but essential parts of being human. Recognizing and embracing these energies allows us to live more fully, authentically, and compassionately—for ourselves and others. 

This book (and this conversation) reminded me that we are all a mix of light and shadow, and that’s not just okay—it’s vital. This is exactly why we created Empowered Femmes—to embrace ourselves as human beings in all our complexity, and to cultivate a safe space where we can explore new ideas that help us grow, not only as individuals but as a community. Together, we're building a foundation of understanding and support that allows each of us to show up exactly as we are.

So here’s to our Sparks, in all their forms ✨ 

✌🏽Jacqui